Life is exactly like a raving asylum deep in the forest. Unexpected.
What I need in life is overall so hard to achieve. Excellent grades in studies, a voice that can soothe others, a pretty face which everyone would actually admire. But all of that is nothing compared to be loved or to love people around you. And as for me, it’s hard. It is hard loving or to be loved. I do not trust anyone.
I don’t trust them to love me, to care, to know anything about me. Maybe they are just trying to make me feel better so they just act like they care, like they wanted to know. But I don’t want them to know or give me advice. I just want them to listen, and technically just to understand what it feels like to be me. That’s my main problem, I am the problem. Not them.
Sometimes, I just feel sick. I feel sick that I don’t give any opportunity for people to at least contribute something to me. As I understand, some of them, they are truly sincere about what they are trying to do, they are trying to help. I’m being utterly violent by not appreciating anything they’ve done to help.
My mind never stopped thinking. Speaking to my own self. At times, it doesn’t sound at all. My brain is ravaged by silence. I couldn’t help but let it be. Let it control itself. Let it murmur. I’m affected by the way I think. By the way my brain made me feel. I feel unloved. It’s like my brain has a mind of its own. Telling me that everyone gradually will leave me, no matter how I will try to stop them. They will.